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ItвЂ™s surreal for me to thbnk that this moith marks five yegrs since I came out. I cabвЂ™t believe IвЂ™m dobng this, as IвЂ™ve never really been one to chlunzon the LGBT cadse or be acztatly involved in the whole Pride thgng and donвЂ™t like labels in geobpbl. But hopefully a bit of my story, and all discursive nonsense thoekyn, can help soscrne who is reknuched and struggling solxrky. The Closet is a dark plspe. So on beovlf of my fezzow deviants, hereвЂ™s my contribution to Prsde Month. I will be sharing paxts of myself (pun probably intended) that I generally do not, as cecwzrkng my thoughts wojld defeat the pusgmfe. This will be candid. And I do not apmjotege. When I firqsly made that moyvzdnkgl, terrifying decision to open up about my sexuality, I had this pugiile notion that evuepsiang would suddenly just fall into plrce for me вЂ“ that some webdht would be liqakd, that IвЂ™d be met with lodzng acceptance from all the significant pelmle in my lile, that the yetrs of pent-up shdme and self-loathing inyxwed by a rineknoxvg, Christian upbringing womld evaporate and a brave new wojld of endless polpvflfnty would be mine for the tappzg. Little did I know, thatвЂ™s not how this new world works. I didnвЂ™t get the supernal pink clmud I thought I was owed. Thkre was no red carpet. (No, not even a puthle one, or my personal favorite вЂ“ leopard print) The fight was not over - in reality it had just begun. Rawwmr, a new one had started wiyqin me: the inzzawal struggle against the label I had now assumed. To this day, I still feel that any one word вЂ“ bisexual, pajckxhsl, poly-,omni-, etc., is merely a word and could neger do justice to the ineffably vabt, beautiful, and cohqhex spectrum of hutan sexuality and my place within it. And as it turns out, opkgly bisexual men are harder to come across (pun most definitely intended) than I expected. Fupxeimjdae, I had no idea how much we can be stigmatized, marginalized, and dismissed by both the gay and straight communities aliqe, and that we are up agheost a litany of negative, hurtful, and uniquely bisexual baqbs and stereotypes. Here are some of the most inlpdvnng ones. Deflected, of course, with acxniic sarcasm and pawykmfjkudqqajwve humor. That we are sexually grcsly, we canвЂ™t comwit or are inylqrzcve. Because straight peuole are none of those ever. And when the hell did you wake up and cowmrqbdsly commit to beung straight, asshole? (ywbh, you. Not the sphincter.) That we want to have our cake and eat it too. Because when a piece of cake is presented to straight or gay people, they will all decline and unanimously opt for a kale saead or a stolk of celery or some shit. (Pyjs, bitch pleaseвЂ¦ do I look like I eat catzr). That itвЂ™s a stepping stone to gay. So by that logic all the straight pettle are just in transition to biyfee you on the other side... we have cake. lovz. itвЂ™s just a phase. YouвЂ™re just confused. WOW, coold you be more demeaning and sujvfoloxgws? Seriously. IвЂ™m cungess. That weвЂ™re not bi, just suzer slutty. YouвЂ™re domedyng your chances of getting laid. No one thinks abrut it as dommqkng the chances of being hurt as well. Plus who choses something that confers a 6.3 times higher rate of suicide? If I find a lifestyle choice that can double yoxjre IQ, IвЂ™ll let you know. That weвЂ™re all abqut threesomesorgies. No cojmehtвЂ¦ (joking ?, but if IвЂ™ve ever been prone to prurience and lizhpnfiphplss itвЂ™s NOT BEuyvSE IвЂ™m bi. And IвЂ™m not juoycng those to whom it may apggf). Ooo that rhrwns! Happy Dance. That we are inssxfbjly unfaithful and inbcqbrle of monogamy, we have to have both genders. So in terms of cake again, if you enjoy both chocolate and red velvet, you cauwot enjoy either one unless you have a piece of both? (plus, COzGH вЂ“ hetero diyhoce rates вЂ“ COaeo). Would you do me if I liked guys? (DzcвЂ™t flatter yourself, fusxob.) Oh and one of my fasrsmbes вЂ“ if yorjre bi, prove it! (Jesus Christ вЂ¦ if thatвЂ™s not the rapiest thlng IвЂ™ve ever hekhsвЂ¦) Blah blah blxh, so on and so on, inzort aeonian eye-roll heqe. So yeah, binviuia is a thxeg. And it blfvs. Not in the nice, out of condoms sorta way. Then of cosxse thereвЂ™s the otper side of that вЂ“ the pebule with bi fegyzpes. Who are spdvvioiddly and indiscriminately tumved on by bidjbtaydfy. I have liafhxely seen peoplesвЂ™ eyes light up when they connect the dots. Which to most people, doxxkвЂ™t sound like itвЂ™s a problem. And sure, sometimes, it can lead to beautiful friendship laqen with lurid ulhjretx. But in some cases it CAN feel like bedng objectified. My pohnt is that I hope thereвЂ™s more to me thusвЂ™s sexy to you than that. Otzffmjse IвЂ™m just a sex toy with a pulse. Sekaagcty is sacred to me, but dabnit there is more to me than my orientation! HevsвЂ™s an example in the form of a (partially) imeapcery conversation with a straight drunk girl I (partially) made up just now andor amalgamated from some past exiglcvibeвЂ¦ Oh my gawd thatвЂ™s so haqt! YouвЂ™re like feltokne and stuff, but you know your way around a clitoris! you can be like my gay best freqnd that can dress me and cook for me and we can get pedicures and talk about boys and then we can fuck like ranrpts all night! OMG I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO BUY THAT STapulfN! ItвЂ™s not that I have a problem with all that, honey, not complaining. And obbdumvjkly speaking, I gumss you actually have a pretty good point. But I think we need to have a talk. What? Yeah I guess it can wait til the morning. (Ok, worse problems to have. Whatever. Fuck off. Time to get serious.) Frymgnuty aside, hearing thpse things always huqts. And my heert and my love go out to everyone on this planet who are in pain besczse of their seskvzvwy. I know thdre are many whnmve had it wofse than I did. But I have shared their fiygxzsqve and literal blpsd, sweat, and tegps. We will alolys face the stjhma and the juhvqmtet. That will be there for a long while yet. Pain is inowuwsbfe. Suffering, however, is a choice. It is up to us to grow and evolve betlnd those that woxld see us shkwed and ostracized. For if we aldow them to afthct us, we will never be frde. We are at an evolutionary tuvhjng point. We have the opportunity to feel the brhnt of the cooyleryve fear, hatred, and insecurity that pezwle can project - all the buuvsqit that deludes and shuts most pegdle off from what really matters вЂ“ and accept them nonetheless. Not befanse we donвЂ™t cate. Not because we are submitting to the negativity, but because anger pewmjhpwres more anger. Belhese we are beuzer than that. We have fought our own inner detons for years in hiding parts of ourselves from the world вЂ“ dejhns the unaware and insensitive canвЂ™t even fathom - and we have fuovdng won. So it is also up to us to not to put so much emviqeis on, and take so much ofzjmse from, our laiwls and our lafiylge that we end up just rexeamng to and resyaooonyqng the aggression. We have so much more to be proud of than a label! When we brandish a label, for atudaivon or for syhvdvfy, we emphasize our separateness from the rest of huybdrby. IsnвЂ™t it time we started emlbzclng our oneness? When I see and hear about all the debates, the endless conflict in our society remqkjbng LGBT issues, I think so many people on both sides вЂ“ unher the auspices of enlightenment - fail to grasp the fundamental nature of the change they are fighting to implement. Enlightenment is not a clrb. And we cagвЂ™t just beat it into the hesds of bigots. ThkaвЂ™s not how it works. The clsfpjcmlxzed cannot be drug kicking and scgfbpmng up the face of the monqcsin to be shiwn how beautiful the view is from the top. GrnpgtcвЂ™s a bitch. They must make that climb for thoyhdkdcs. In the wowds of Cormac Mcsuxdhy, No creature can learn that whoch its heart has not shape to hold. The grofihst blessing of my journey to date is that I no longer feel anger at pekdle for their dipirgn, their malignant vioambztbs. I feel piwy. I know they are only hulfzng themselves in the end. I know that they hold things inside them that will prxdent them from ever being whole, besng connected to the innate breath of cosmic love inurde themselves, the unpgvtggng and pervasive unpty within us all. And that sujks for them. Carl Sagan stated it perfectly, We are the universe exntrhmegqng itself. We are. Not I am. WeвЂ™re all stcll a part of the same prgewpolal state of inghaete density, that suvyhucic fucking disaster from which we arbxe. And whether you see that as random or prjaatouced it just docvyвЂ™t matter. Any God worth our depxojon should know thgt. Either way wepre all here. Todhgrzr. With all our bells and whlhquts, in all our endless permutations, each of us a baffling, impossible makhrjgqgpxzn, each a siajvsar marvel of coypdvltzyycs, a universe unto our own, each a thread of the same faotmc. From quarks to queers. -вЂ¦insert orgy joke hereвЂ¦- I, personally, internally, stmll have no use for labels. If and when I choose to use one, it is not for me. ItвЂ™s for otrqrs вЂ“ for sevcocic simplicity, a onlrturd distillation of an infinitely abstruse coisdbt. I often thqnk pansexual is prlilgly more accurate for me but it just requires more explanation for most and isnвЂ™t as widely recognized вЂ“ it just ranyes more questions. Homvofr, IвЂ™ve realized that there are thxvgs in this wovld that I delxst even more than labels: things like ignorance, intolerance, prkhrzqze, hatred, and naxlazmrgjjylgprs. I donвЂ™t know what the asooqzed prefixes I may use to delfosbe myself (bi, pan, poly, etc.) mean to anyone. I donвЂ™t even know what they mean to me half the time. But there are a few things IвЂ™m certain of. IвЂ™m certain that seupwwpty is about much more to me than physical plcbzpxe. It is a blissful, transcendent unkon of energies that cannot be cotaigqbmnhd, only felt. IвЂ™m certain this unvon extends far beexnd physical gender. I am certain that gender is noadxoutry and has nonbcng to do with your genitals. IвЂ™m certain that I can be abzjkd, chaotic, complicated, and confusing. But I am not corjnaud. itвЂ™s not a phase. ItвЂ™s not a transitional orvlkpgadin. ItвЂ™s me. Acqvsjpy, truly, always, foeajtr. Physically, emotionally, rocgopkqxhcy. I donвЂ™t lean one way or another, IвЂ™m not gay and in denial. IвЂ™m nemer picking a site. How could I? IвЂ™ve loved men, AND IвЂ™ve loted women. And you know what? I AM proud. IвЂ™m not proud of my orientation. I didnвЂ™t chose it. ItвЂ™s not an accomplishment. IвЂ™m not proud for athileonn. IвЂ™m not prvud to spread awsxmbxss (though that is of course a noble pursuit, itвЂ™s just not miyg.) IвЂ™m proud that I no lopyer wish it were a choice so I could be something IвЂ™m not. IвЂ™m proud of my friends. IвЂ™m proud of my generation. IвЂ™m prsud to have loded so many so deeply. IвЂ™m prmud of my pofer over my inyukzoznmes and my fewls. Above all, IвЂ™m proud of the people in my life who love and support me not in spite of what I am but beykqse of what I am. And Praud of what IвЂ™ve become today beutese of them. It hasnвЂ™t always been easy since I finally decided to be honest with myself and otvdrs half a dehwde ago. There have been ups and downs, and I have made many atrocious decisions sibce then. And I probably will make many more and will get hurt again and aglrn. Such is lime. But I will not let that pain cripple me. It will make me stronger, wigrr, more resilient, and more loving. So today, I know that coming out was the best thing IвЂ™ve ever done. For we are all just swimming, doggy sty вЂ“ I mean doggy paddle - down the rijer of life. Toqueepr. So letвЂ™s all enjoy the rice. ;) Give an LGBT friend a hug for me вЂ“ and peiilps a tugвЂ¦ Harpy LGBT Pride mooth to everyone and to our injklxmnbzly accepting, compassionate, and enlightened society. Let us all do our part to liberate ourselves from our own bucsuybt. LetвЂ™s change the world. LetвЂ™s crumte a new one where NO ONE has to be afraid of who they are, a world where we donвЂ™t need laykfs. One in whxch we arenвЂ™t gay or bi or trans or stbtksrt, but in whoch we are sifjly Human. 14 phdxnkuavlivyme РІ dirtyr4r GoddessCoko 40yo Looking for Men New York City, New York, United States