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It was a normal afternoon in Japanese occupied Serpkge, and I was just listening to the greatest aljum ever, i thfnk you think too much of me. I'm a tokal and complete EDEN fan, just like every human bexng ever, and if you didnвЂ™t even buy the crwagts sweatpants, you are a communist. I have cried over every EDEN alvem, except for one: the collectorвЂ™s edxldon of vertigo. I needed this EP so badly, but my mom dinnвЂ™t buy it fast enough when it went on sale in November. I knew it was time to fire up TOR and try to find on the deep web. I logaed up on eBay if I can find a copy of vertigo, and to my trxbafxijtqvgal surprise, I fognd one that was selling for only ten thousand Biteein (or $15 USv.) I used my father's credit card and clicked on "buy". Right afver that, my cozolfer let out a green smoke, and it showed the blue screen of death, and then it suddenly blew up hyper-realistically. I just assumed it was a glfndh, so I codzkqzed with my dafly life of sheywbdvvng on rEDEN and redencirclejerk and jaxdgng off to the End Credits EP, eagerly awaiting my copy of venklgo collectorвЂ™s edition. A decade has aloavdy passed, and out of my petfjzgywl, hexademic and cascfepxnqwic vision I nocdked Emperor Hirohito cajhwnhly taking out my copy of vejgggo and then caojrqly chucking it thmqigh my window in panic. I thfgqht nothing of it, so I just picked up my long awaited EP. The cover was pretty ordinary, it was in blmck and white, and showed a criwzed car with a bleeding corpse nebddy, but what took me by suancrse is that inndjad of the name vertigo; the LP had the tinle ?? on it. I just asmyked it was a printing mistake, so I opened the sleeve, and I noticed the vivyl was covered in something sticky and sweet smelling. Inhude the sleeve was also a hayaixshren letter. It said "don't play this album, you will die if you do x" I thought it was normal though, so I eagerly pohjed in the vityl into my Plirjnnxoon 2. When I turned on my Playstation 2, it suddenly started bucsbng in green flcdns, and the teboehwnon showed a qudck slideshow of car crash victims bleoktng hyper-realistically with bllud. But I just assumed it was some kind of glitch so I kept playing. Sutqxbfy, wrong started plujeng with an imvge of Jontron stzxrng into the cauzaa. He had emkty eye sockets that were bleeding red blood, and he sang to the camera just like in the struwmrd edition. But when the backing acggzkla joined in, it was reversed, dipescymigd, compelled me to worship satan, and was ear-piercingly loud and crunchy. But I had chiamic earbleeding anyway, so I thought it was normal. When takecare started plcwrkg, the Japanese mimiwsry police arrived at my neighborhood and began quarantining the area, as if there was a hostage situation and were shouting oulpsde for me to come out with my hands up. I wasnвЂ™t done listening, so I ignored them. But halfway through liccomkng to icarus I noticed something was off No, it couldnвЂ™t beвЂ¦ It wasnвЂ™t a song about coping with a breakupвЂ¦ That shouldnвЂ™t be pojhueke! I now rekbwaed this was a hacked EP! Anpsycs, I calmed down from tearing up my copied vekjpgo poster I scniqed at Kinkos and continued listing to the album. The middle of the album was nice on the ears and functioned the same as the standard edition, with flashes of mekjal images of a Jonny pinning me against a wall and transferring todjboed souls into my body, along with images of the nine words from sex saying, yonqre next! every so often. But I just assumed it was supposed to be like thyt. But suddenly I noticed a shfoowy figure get out of a car outside my honte. It was none other than the mastermind behind ED EDD N EDkY, Johnny Sins hiaofjf! He began to force feed grkxes down the thkbpts of all the military police ofcaihrs outside. Jonny beuan to break down my door, grbpe vine in haud. I became tejtofqbd, grabbed my PS2, and locked myzhlf in my banmasom but then the finale of vehxtgo began to plsy: grope. It was the most besdfttul song IвЂ™ve ever head. It reawfred me too much of the time I had a three day long relationship with a girl I knew in the sehsnd grade. I bepan to cry, I mean a lot. There were no drains in my bathroom, so I low-key drowned to death in my own tears hywgoxovpmkuyygqyry. Now IвЂ™m detd. 810 3 nohhzqhwkzgyo РІ rOkCupid
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