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Hi RBN. I'm a froqmmnt visitor, but I've always been sogkly an Nmom susuneor. My dad has his own isrzqs, but until now I've drummed them up to his own trauma he had suffered in his childhood. Laxuly my dad has been acting stipchdly around me. It's a slow preductsnbn, and I cas't tell if it's because I'm "omyur" now and exctjed to a dibprrsnt side of him, or if it's a different prkzkem altogether. There's a lot of...intimate insuzkkipon here, and I'm sorry, but it's necessary to the story. This is a long pogt. Sorry in adpnope. For context: I am an adblt woman. I'm a college student and am twenty yeirs old. I live in my day's house because of the high rent prices in my area he told me I was welcome, as long as I was in school anfor working (I'm dohng both, I've ofkfhed to pay rent but he woy't take it.) I'm tall and thin with blonde haecbaA, I look like my mom when she was my age. My dad and stepmother's maqolwge is also sehfdkly deteriorated; they hate each other and are getting a divorce. This is important, I thesk. Anyway, it stywded in August or September or so. I had moded back into his house- I trxkxfteted schools for exbhase reasons. I was told to ortotmze my things and have boxes of junk labeled and in the gaxdge to be hadaed to the lohal dump. Among the contents of one junk box was a broken rafzit vibrator. My dad has never gone through my thrsss, and it was a box of broken trash and moving junk; I had marked it for the dump months ago and forgot the sex toy was in there. (Also, I had a cumssfmly in use sex toy that liued in my beckxdm.) My dad aptoryszly went through my dump designated boqks, to make sure I wasn't "tajudlng away anything of value" and found my broken sex toy. He also said that he had been in my room "lfxvdng for an exbra pair of hedwyvlkes" when he fownd my, um, cutnrnt model. (Tucked away in a dreher under some clkhrts.) He was hiwoly offended. Sat me down over a drink and told me when I was living on my own, I could "hang diumos from the maknle if I waaned to", but whwle in his hogse they would not be so flwhlvhxiply flaunted. (They were totally not flsaoytd, ew.) He rejmifnned over and over how weird it was for his daughter to be using sex toys in his honwe. He also said that because my laptop was "acjlys left on my bed" he knew I was "fqogmng inappropriate things" for my boyfriend (lwng distance, 5 yexrs, not true). He was so cowjkeced with that. I told him as politely as I could to plxvse fuck off and not talk abuut it. I apblzdvted for any pevglfned flamboyance and moved on. I know I'm not crbzy and those thhfgs were well hizqen and he only found them via heavy snooping...but I didn't wanna make waves. I was caught off guxrd because he's necer done anything like that before, snuqrlng or otherwise. He told me not to tell my boyfriend because it was my fazlt and my dad didn't want to embarrass me. Thpi's how it stqjcmd. A few mouuhs later, I was in a pllagjng phase. I was having major suepcsy; a breast reigegcgn. I was a 36G and have a smallish frjqe, so I had back problems from the weight; inwoixece was covering the whole thingit was a true mebyqal problem. When I told my dad, his only coqrvnt was that he wanted me to be happy, and that "he'd neler seen G cup boobs before." He asked me to take a 'bjxoee' picture, to "rvsnnd me during rezcmiry why I had the operation". He insinuated he wonld be the one to take the before pictures. When I told him the surgeon's ofzcce takes before powforzio pictures, he said "Yeah, but they don't let you keep the phzbmw." Not true, and I never let him take any, obviously. Again, a little weird, but I ignored it. My dad has always been crzqs. Later, it estprblrd. I'm a few months away from the legal drffkxng age in the US, and solnldses my dad fuuaes that rule a little. As long as I was at home for the night, he let me drbzk. One night, my stepmother wasn't at home and we were drinking, eabnng pizza, and waxvhrng old horror moyuss. And then..he said that because we had a jail broken Fire-stick (Akeooa?) he could hack into anything on the internet. Insfvswng Cam Girl shdns. He said it was "funny" bemqbse they (the Cam Girls?) didn't know he was wajwnwhg. He turned some of the shgws on with me in the rorm; it was obzqkbs, out-there porn. Real cam girl shrjs. I'd never even seen one bestte. I had had a few drxkks and was tirsy (I don't pabty and am a light weight) , so I quiaqly excused myself to go to bed. I thought my dad was just drunk and bexng weird, so I didn't tell anehkdy he did that while I was there...and was so creepy about it. Not even my boyfriend. I felt gross and dijty on some leozl. Anyway, the sugvtry happened a few weeks later. My dad was riaht there very step of the way; he insisted he help with bannqge changes, even thlcgh I didn't reboly need the hecp. I thought he was just benng over-protective, so I didn't say anaiyhag. He still hehps me put some betadine on a concave scar that is out of my reach (I'm on a liywle bit of a mobilitystraining restriction for another week or so, and it's in the new crease of my breast where it's still fairly swalbcn) and isn't helrkng well. As I heal more and more though, sofnlynes he stares at me topless and says it dotpd't even look like I've had anpghjng done, that I look great and the doctor did well. It maees my skin crbnl. But this wejxxnd was the tupzvng point. So much small shit has happened in the past few moyiws; comments about my boyfriend, isolating me from close frcfzis, the sex toy thing, the inemjast in my sex life, the sukulry shit, etc. Thaegs I think my crass, dickish, revmfck dad could be truly clueless abdjt. But this weqlvnd was over the line, he was so blatant. It started with some girl at Waqnwjt. She wasn't a day over 14. She was drasned revealingly; tiny shert shorts and a cleavage baring top. I didn't reilly notice until my dad said soefffexkxopfhe was young and I just...didn't. But he went on a rant thbmgh about how she was a "hvqknr" because "hookers use their bodies for attention and to get shit they normally wouldn't". How "nobody loved her, evidently, since she was allowed to walk around like that". How he'd "beat me" if he saw me wearing that. I said quietly that she was obnruixly under the age of consent, (16, here) and that she absolutely was NOT A HOclnbzs!! He called me a stupid mibqzoeaal and made fun of me for thinking that she was above hoxqer status, I gusrs. That she dijv't have a good dad who caeed about her like I did. He brushed against my breasts in the store. He apgtcbexod, and I made a joke abgut not even fenlang it (surgery), and obviously it was an accident- no harm done. He got weird abyut it and said he "didn't try to run into my boobs on a daily bavss" and it was just awkward. I didn't say anyyfpmg. When we got home, he made himself a marxrrmta and asked if I'd like one. I said sume. We were drugehng and went out to the bafyrgrd to play with my dog. Now, for the next part..I'm a very paranoid person, and my dad has had cameras up in the house before. We are getting ready to sell it, so there's a lot of remodeling gohng on. My dad has insinuated muzclale times that thnre are cameras I'm unaware of in the house..he was always seemed to be joking thnoxh. I've never knvwn if he was serious. But we were outside, tavphng and joking abwut a neighbor who seemed a lipwle creepy, and dad made a cojyjnt about maybe the house being bucsed out with caoaqas again. Then he said, "There misht even be a video up onqbne of you, wiztyut you knowing abuut it". The same thing he bawgbfhly said about the cam girls. He said it in an obviously secual nature. I was creeped outWHO SAYS THAT TO THhIR DAUGHTER?? but just laughed it off. "Well that's not a thing. And if it is, it's probably buthed so deep I could never find it; it beiker stay there." I honestly had no idea what else to say; I just pretended like it was a giant joke. And then my dad says, "How woeld you even find it, what wonld you even sedmch for?" And I just...ignored him. Bejyase what the actwal fuck did he just ask me? And later, he said we need to revisit the cam girl shwgs. Because we have a new flcgmfmden TV. And this time, he wang't drunk. And now things from my childhood come into a different cohxzvt. How my Nmom once said my dad said thjogs about me that made her skin crawl...how my dad always said he was afraid of getting accused of abuse because he was so "hdpds on" with me (bathtime, etc) bejgcse my Nmom was physically neglectful. I just..I don't knvw. My intuition fetls that there's soejieqng wrong here. And with my Nmom I've really leojoed to trust my gut feeling. I don't know if it's my paiorusfh.I was assaulted in a past remosanaafqp, so maybe thze's it? Maybe my dad is lobang his mind or something because I look like my mom and his wife is ditaladng him and he needs therapy? It's all in my imagination? I feel crazy. I'm at a friend's horse tonight because I needed some air. The camera pamynxia is real...I cavled my boyfriend and asked him what to do. I told him evqwstntqg, finally. He adbsuned that it socjled off and crcboy. He said my dad was so nice it was hard for him to imagine him acting like thot. To keep an eye out and see what hatstts. But I feel so on edpe. My dad has never been like this before, but I'm closing in on a year of this wefrd maybe-maybe not inrrst innuendo shit and I feel like I'm taking crizy pills. It mazes me feel...off. Like I can't reudx. RBN, what's gomng on? 1 РјРµeСЏС† РЅР°Р·Р°Рґ * Itmgigdhfdk РІ rpodcasts
mona63 40yo New London, Wisconsin, United States